Sweet boys

Life with 2 boys is definitely a busy life. They are so full of energy and they NEVER stop. What I wouldn't give to have their energy. But all in all, they are full of life. They love to have fun. Something we can all learn I'm sure. I tend to get so caught up in what needs to be done that I forget to have fun sometimes. The boys always remind me of that. They will say: "Mommy, when you are done studying, can we play chase?" How can you say no?? I rarely do. These are memories that are all too quickly passing by me. One day, I won't have them coming in an "interrupting" me while studying and I know that I will wish I did.

Stop and smell the roses today. Enjoy life. Be where you are and embrace it. Don't let life's sweetest blessings and moments pass you by.

I'm off tomorrow for my conference. I'll do my best to keep you all posted via blog as I am there. Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements. It's much needed and felt.

Craziness all around....

I just wanted to update you all on my getting ready for this conference. If I could only but begin to tell you of the warfare that I have been experiencing this weekend in getting prepared, it would take me all day long. I'll give you a brief recap....For starters, I have had a MAJOR migraine headache all weekend. I mean the kind that you are so nauseous, you don't know whether to throw up, cry, sleep, or well, cry! It's been bad. Not to mention, this is the weekend that my husband is out of town, so I have no time to do much outside of the 3 kiddos. And did I mention that I needed to get a query letter written, chapter outline and synopsis written, a manuscript ready, let's see, print my full manuscript (I need several copies) and have it bound at Kinkos. Oh, and I need to prepare to teach on Wednesday morning before I leave town. Well, my printer ink is out...did I mention that Bry is out of town? He is my printer guy! Oh, and our ink is NEVER out that we don't have another cartridge in our back room. I know, I know...just take a disk into Kinkos and do it there....with 3 children all 4 yrs and younger! And to top it off, the Cowboys lose their winning streak!! Ok...gotta give it to the Cowboy fan...she's heartbroke. Back to the important stuff.

But when I did go to Kinkos this morning to have the books bound (I finally got them printed and duplexed), it was POURING down rain. So, now, I have to figure out how to get 2 kiddos (Reid was at school) into Kinkos with my books without them getting wet at all and without me and the kids getting just drenched. What a feat that was. And poor Cole, I got him out of the car, shut the car door and wacked him in the head with the door. I couldn't pick him up as I had Ella, the umbrella and the books. I felt soooo bad. So, as soon as I get in the door at Kinkos, I pretty much drop everything (except Ella) to grab Cole and hold him.

I must say, I think that I am exactly where God wants me though. To get this kind of opposition, I know that God is going to do great things in my heart and in my life this weekend. I believe this 100% after the weekend I have had.

After a major meltdown last night and my husband calling and me telling him I didn't want to talk to him because honestly, I was mad that he was out of town taking care of his family and I, at that moment, thought he needed to be here with me helping me with this printing MESS!! Man oh man...where was I? In sin of course. Funny how this week's lesson that I'm teaching at church will touch on being self consumed to the point that you can't see out to help others. And when you are focusing on others, you don't have time to wallow in your own self pity. Funny how I always end up teaching lessons on issues that I am going through at that time.

But after that, I was somehow able to get it all done. Now, that's not to say that I'm not totally tired today...but good. Still have the headache, but we are good. I can hardly believe that I have only one more day before leaving for the conference. So excited, yet so scared!

On a good note...I was at the mall today meeting some of Cole's old friends for lunch. Before I met them, I had to make a return at Gymboree, in which the lady behind the counter couldn't believe that I had 3 children. She swore to me that she thought I was like 18 or something. Now, mind you, she has 3 children too, so she wasn't a teenager herself. I am pretty sure I could have kissed her and hugged her neck off! Seriously, I am soooo past 18. I don't think anyone as told me that since was in my early 20's. But hey, it did make me feel good...I have to admit that. All day, I was thinking: "Man, a little makeup really does go a long way!" But then, I looked at the mirror to admire my 18 year old looking face and I noticed that I had a zit on my jawbone....maybe that's why she thought I was 18. Instead of PMSing, she thought I was in puberty! Oh well....whatever the reason, I love her.

I just have to tell this story on my son, Cole. Man, if I had a camera today, I would have put this on the blog. But, he was eating his Cheetos, having some fun. And I noticed that he was picking his nose! Yes, I said picking his nose. That struck me as odd since he doesn't ever pick his nose. He then looked at me and said: "Mommy, can you get this Cheetos out of my nose?" I thought he was being funny and just had a boogie....I went over, tilted his head back and sure as heck, he had stuck a little piece of a Cheetos in his nose. Like who does that? When I got it out, his nose bled a little bit. Course, I put the fear of the hospital and needles in him to never do that again. I mean, I really only thought "those kids" did that? Apparently not. Apparently, my son does that! Oh me.

Sorry I'm so all over the place. That's my life right now. I am all over the place. Hopefully, I'll feel a bit more normal next week.

Query Letters...

Oh me oh my, the most intimidating and daunting task of a writer must be the query letter. I have stressed over this letter all week long. At the conference next week, I have the opportunity to do a paid critique of my manuscript. This is a great opportunity to have a real life editor/publisher look over my proposal and tell me what I need to do differently in order to "sell" my project to a publisher. So, I know that my letter doesn't have to be perfect as that's the whole idea of letting them help you, but still, I want it to be perfect. Is that so much to ask?

I am asking that you all pray for me that my nerves will calm down and that I will only write the words that God will have me write. There is no other way I am going to get through this! If anyone out there has any suggestions, please let me know. I would love all the help I can get!!

Wrestling with God

I have been wanting to share something with my blogger family for quite some time now, but just haven’t found the time to sit down and really put my heart into the writing. Or maybe I have had the time, but have had fear about putting my heart so out on the line.

However, with some encouragement from my closest friends, I have decided it’s time.

For those of you that don’t know me or don’t know me well, I have had a long time passion for Women’s Ministry. I have taught several Bible studies over the years in various Women’s Ministries. God has penetrated my heart over the years for Women. I just love women. I love being able to watch them grow spiritually. I love being able to connect with them. I just love everything that comes with that.

I have always envisioned that my ministry would one day be the Director of a Women’s Ministry for whatever church we were attending. I feared that my past would prohibit that from happening, but tried to trust that God was not tugging at my heart for no reason.

We began going to our church, Providence Church pretty much from its inception, which now is over 2 years. Both Bry and I loved the church from the very beginning and knew that God had called us to be there. Over the course of the past couple of years, I have played a big role in our Women’s Ministry by starting the Women’s Bible studies as well as planning the Women’s retreats (with an amazing team each year) for the past 2 years. I have also helped getting some other ministries going. I say this, not to toot my own horn, but to tell you where I have been over the past couple of years. During the course of this time period, my husband became involved in the Elder process at our church.

He became official in May of this year. The next step for our church was to put Deacons in place to run the various ministries for our church. Here was my chance. I was so excited as I was sure they would have to logically chose me to play the role for the Women’s Ministry. And guess what? I was asked to go through the Deacon training along with a very dear friend of mine. I thought that my ministry was finally coming into play as God had pictured it for me.

Or was that my picture? My ministry was coming into play, it just started looking very different after the very first weekend of the Deacon Training. I spent the next 2 weeks really wrestling with God and honestly fighting him. I went through a whirlwind of emotions those 2 weeks. The more I prayed, the more discontent I felt about becoming a Deacon. How could this be though? I had wanted this soooooo bad. And I really wanted to serve the ladies at our church more than anything. I wanted to make a difference.

But there was something in my spirit that just wasn’t quite right. I couldn’t find peace. So, I started the blame game. I started blaming others as to why this wasn’t going to work. I thought….well, I can’t share this role. So, if I have to share the role, I’ll just not do it. But the funny thing was, I really deep, down wanted to share the role with my dear friend. We compliment each other in so many ways. Her strengths are so my weaknesses. And with 3 small children at home, she would be my perfect mate.

My struggle was not with her or with anyone, but with myself and with God. God was clearly telling me to lay it down. Lay it down my Child….lay it down. That’s all I could hear in my heart and my head when I prayed. Oh, and know that I prayed a little extra just to be sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.

I could hardly believe that God was wanting me to lay down my dream. Notice, I said “my dream?” This has been my baby. I can’t just give that up God. Seriously, why are you doing this to me? I was full of questions.

However, after many tears and much prayer and several long conversations with my husband, I knew in my heart I had to let it go. I had to let go and let God. Man, I teach that all the time, but when push comes to shove and I actually had to do it, it was painful. Obedience isn’t always easy at first. Taking that leap of faith to the unknown is so hard.

But I will tell you, when I woke the next morning, I had that peace that passeth all understanding. I can’t even tell you the difference I felt in my heart. It was unbelievable.

However, my journey was not over. As I began telling the appropriate people that I was laying it down, it was painful to my pride to be honest. It was hard. Every part of me still wanted to hold onto it someway, somehow. But I knew what I had to do.

As I walked away from the role, not the church or serving in our church, I wasn’t sure where God was going to take me. Now remember, my husband is an Elder, so I’m not going anywhere and I will still be able to be involved in the Women in our church, it’s just going to look very different than what I thought.

During this whole process, I felt this tug at my heart to pick up my Romans Bible study that I wrote about 4 years ago and start thinking about the publishing process. I ignored it at first until my husband said: “Honey, now that you aren’t going to be leading the Women’s Ministry, you should really think about working on your Bible study and on writing other things.” Seriously, did God tell him to say that?

As the weeks go on, I’ll be updating you more on the study, but for now, just bear with me. Long story short, I was put in contact with an editor (yes, a real editor that helps publish real books!) and she told me that the first thing I need to do is go to a Writer’s Conference. She told me that the best one to go to is the Glorieta Writer’s Conference in NM that is only once a year. Guess when that once a year is? October! Both Bry and I felt that I was to go.

Looking back over my month, I see why God was whewing me to lay down my commitments for now so that I could attend this conference. I know that He has BIG plans for me. I don’t know what that means or what that looks like and right now, I am not even going to try to guess. I am just going to go where He has me right here and right now. I know that He has a HUGE lesson for me over this next year. Again, I don’t know what that looks like, but I’m excited to walk down this path to see what it will be. I know that it will be a huge growing experience for me.

With that said, I will attend the Writer’s Conference next week. I don’t know that I will ever become a published author, but I really believe that God will have me more involved in Bible studies than I ever thought. Even if that’s just writing studies that I teach. It’s all exciting.

One thing I will be doing is launching a website (thanks for my friend Andrea) over the next month that I will call my Ministry website. I am not even sure where this will take me as of yet. All I know is, I am going to do it. I currently have a blog up in the meantime just with an outline of the Bible study that I am currently teaching at church. You can feel free to view this at Connected to Him Ministries.

I would ask for your coverage in prayers as I am at the conference. Pray that I am rested and that I retain all that is there to learn. Pray that my heart is encouraged and not discouraged. Pray that I don’t get ahead of God. Pray that I rest in His Hand.

Thank you for reading my heart. And thank you to my dear, close, heart friends for walking with me on this journey. I am more thankful for you than you could ever imagine. Your encouragement has meant more to me than you will ever know.

CowGirl!!!

As most of you know, my little princess is going to be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader for Halloween. (No worries, it's not the actual cheerleader outfit, it's kid friendly!!). Anyway, my girlfriend and I are going to dress both of our girls like the Cowboy cheerleaders and we wanted to find white cowboy boots, but we weren't willing to pay an arm and a leg for them. We searched and searched, and she finally found some!!! The first time we looked at these boots, they were $35 and I wasn't cool with that. However, she found them at this website for Darling Shoes for $2!! Yelp! That's right. You read that correctly. These adorable white cowboy boots were $2. Can you believe it? And look how cute they look with this outfit! I can't wait to dress her in her full gear. So stinkin' cute. Oh, and the boys???? Cowboy Football players!

I get dirty too!!

Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean that I don't like to get dirty too! Actually, I usually come back in the house with more dirt on me than my brothers have on them. Mommy loves it though. She was a tom-boy growing up. She says all the time that even though she dresses me so cute, she wouldn't know what to do with me if I was too prissy!

Bad Hair Day

Ella was having a bad hair day yesterday when she woke up from her nap. I, of course, couldn't resist taking pictures and sharing with you all. I mean, seriously, how cute is she?

Mom, you aren't really going to take my picture are you? Seriously??

Ok...well, if you must, I might as well put on my charming smile! My hair may look crazy, but I'm still cute.